George, ti voglio bene

Hello friends, Freudians sometimes refer to the interactions of parents and children as the family romance, surely an ironic term given the interplay between our common idea of romance and the dramatics of real families. On the whole, our family interactions would never qualify for a Dr. Phil manual of the successful unit. Even the experts haven’t figured out the intricacies of this interplay. Yet out of this textbook case of wrong moves came two reasonably healthy sons, each carrying his own wounds from childhood in different ways. Here is a poem about my brother George, who died in 2019, included in Interbeing.

“A Fraternal Farewell to George”

In your final days with hospice
at home in the Oakland hills,
not more than a long walk
from our start on the flats by the bay,

I want to say how much your approaching departure
saddens me, and summons my gratitude and love for you.

You and I claim the longest memory
of that converted bedroom with two single beds
and a small wooden desk
where we did homework,
and listened to parental disputes.

You were a better family referee.
I fled to play in the schoolyard.

Our mom Katie was always there for us,
and Gino instilled the ways of a hard-working provider
as a welder in Navy yards.

We grew up in an extended family
with nonna, nonno, and barba John
across the street. They helped us survive
the Depression with veggies from their gardens,
low rent, and the wild,

wonderful humor of John, who turned
a chicken house into his private chapel.
His lonely warmth and stray cats
uplifted spirits all around.

The priests and nuns at Sacred Heart
and St. Ignatius High did their best.
You stayed on four more at USF
while I joined the Jesuits.

We were lucky to miss wars
and get good educations.
Funny how we recently used “agnostic”
to describe our religious views.
The ancient church would have called it
“apophatic,” beyond our knowledge and speech.
Maybe that’s not so bad.

I would name your deepest virtue: benevolence,
your ability to take care of your close ones:
children and grandkids who love you
to this moment. You took special care
of our declining parents and our family across the street.

There’s much more for your friends to note
in your career as lawyer-banker. I will stop
with early thoughts, or “tots,” as pa would say.

George, we send you on with love.
Ti voglio bene.