Forgiveness
Hello friends, aspects of a Catholic childhood enfolded the context of my early life, but they were not its deepest roots. That dirt basement and the key players around it on 42 nd Street in Oakland, California really formed me. Gertrude Stein spoke of Oakland as a place with “no there there,” but for me it had great on-the-ground salience or “thereness.” My maternal grandparents lived right across the street from us.
Life with Gino in a frame, four room house, was frequently nerve-racking and sometimes hellish. He was a bundle of easily ignited fury. In later years, George and I engaged in what we called “shrinkology,” speculating about “the citizen’s” (George’s nickname for Gino who proudly became a naturalized U.S. citizen) early formation in the rural village of Tofori outside of Lucca.
There was nothing indirect or passive-aggressive about Gino. He was pure in-your-face aggression. He didn’t sulk for hours or days building up a temper tantrum. Provocations brought immediate responses. At least we didn’t have to hold our breath in anticipation. I feared him in his bad moods, but also saw him as a pillar of security. Best, Gene.
Father’s Day: Being Human
The street photographer caught him
in his mid-forties, Gino Natale Bianchi,
a nattily-dressed welder from the navy yard,
holding my brother’s hand,
an unusual gesture of affection.
Much later did I wonder
how such intimate signs were suppressed
by years of war and tropes of patriarchy.
Life was hard in a family of eleven kids
as tenant farmers near Lucca.
Without later therapeutic insight,
I saw him at home as an angry, unhappy man,
spreading an atmosphere of scary tension.
It was a small house, but I could escape
to nearby grandparents and a favorite uncle,
the blessing of extended family.
Early on I sided with mom,
but eventually noticed her goads and taunts
fuel an unhappy marriage. Yet divorce
was for the rich, not the working class.
It was against church law and immigrant culture.
Yet mom always praised him as a good provider,
an important trait then and in today’s instability.
Now I am more forgiving of him in light
of my own problems in marriage.
Gino was turned off by priests, rules and rites.
Before I entered the Jesuits, he urged me toward
the diocesan clergy to become a wealthy bishop.
Despite your tortured kindness, you taught many things,
like steadfastness and hard work.
So Gino, here’s a salute to you on Father’s Day
with me at eighty-eight, the span of your life.
